Preparations for the bar mitzva should focus on the main significance of the event. People sometimes tend to focus on what is really marginal while ignoring what ought to be primary. In the leadup to a bar mitzva, people may focus on the celebration itself while forgetting the real purpose of the celebration. The preparations for the bar mitzva and the celebration itself should be calibrated according to the true significance of the occasion: A Jewish boy’s becoming obligated in mitzvot.

The most important things a boy should study for his bar mitzva are those that will help him fulfill his duties as an adult Jew. As part of his preparations for his bar mitzva, a boy should study the foundations of Judaism and what it means to be Jewish. He must learn the halakhot of the mitzvot that he is required to observe. If his school curriculum is insufficient in these areas, his parents should find a way to supplement his education by hiring a private tutor. He must learn how to don phylacteries [tefillin]. It is important for him to learn about the sanctity and significance of tefillin as well as all the laws that pertain to their use.

The boy should also learn the blessings to recite when one is called up to the Torah reading. It should be noted that there is no obligation for the bar mitzva boy to read the portion of the Prophets read on Shabbat after the Torah reading, the haftara. Sometimes too much energy is invested in memorizing the haftara, at the expense of far more vital matters. In addition, there is certainly no need for the boy to read the entire Torah reading himself. If he can manage to master the reading without neglecting the other important and necessary preparations, that is a nice initiative, but it is certainly not essential.

The bar mitzva celebration itself should also be focused on the primary significance of the occasion, namely the fact that the boy is now obligated in mitzvot. This should be the dominant theme of the affair and the preparations leading up to it. In this way the boy will internalize the importance of mitzva observance. Conversely, if he sees that the primary focus of the celebration is impressing the guests or other superficial matters, he may well internalize that those are important values.